I’m angry for adoptees who think it’s not okay to be angry. Even if you think you’ll won’t become an angry adoptee, you will, if you do even the slightest amount of research/introspection, just embrace it; I’ve heard it as “I don’t see eye to eye with my parents”, “I have a dinner with my parents this afternoon but I just don’t really want to go”, “they just have their own perspectives”, “it’s a personality clash between me and my mom” etc, it’s actually because when some adoptees are in the presence of their adoptive parents, they get minimized to being just “an orphan I saved from Asia so how could they ever be sad about anything on the planet/a prayer that got answered so they will be full of grace 100% of the time/the child I raised so I know more about them than they do and they don’t know what they are talking about, ETCETERA”

Coming out of the fog is realizing you’re Asian in white spaces, but I think people forget it’s also about feeling really unpleasant things about adoption; just being woke, or decorated in advanced degrees, about cultural studies and diversity & inclusion is not enough, it’s not synonymous with being angry with your adoptive parents, you need to separate from that. I’m not angry at my adoptive mother, she tried and she failed to turn me into what adoption agencies marketed that I would become, a loving daughter; but she did keep me and she cultured me. It’s not her fault adoption agencies and society FUCKING LIED to her. And it’s not her fault that I just wanted to become myself.

“Coming out of the fog” (UGH THIS STUPID TERM, still not okay that we took this from a different trauma) is also realizing like… yeah, it was fucked up, not only what white people do/did, but also what my own people did to me, NOT my Korean family; Korea, as a people. And in my case, it includes being so proud to be Korean, that I praise them for being that ruthless.

On a sadder note, every time I talk too much about adoption, I see my two favorite sisters in my dreams and we are living a life together; I almost cry every time but can’t anymore

#adopteevoices #adoptees #adoption #adoptionistrauma #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptiveparents #adoptiveparent #koreanadoptee #koreanadoptees